The end of a Winter

I hold a lot of grudges. I carry them around my legs like weights prisoners are assigned in order to keep them near the ground. My head replays and replays and replays moments in time that I wish I could forget. The time friends made fun of my height, the times I was made to feel like a lesser, and the times where friends have abandoned me for something more appealing. The kind of etching and scrapes and scaring I carry from being discarded are the kind that are slow to heal. They have left marks across my face and all down my sides. I feel anger in my heart, my hands shake and I can hear the blood in my ears. I am aggravated easily, I make decisions rashly, and I form opinions based off of whatever I feel first. I'm flighty and bitterness is not a good color on me. I've decided the only way to live is free from all hate. All I can promise is a conscious effort to see only the things that make my heart smile. Dogs hold no record of wrong. I'll try harder to be more like them. I miss the days when I felt unburdened and free to explore. With winter coming to an end, so will my perpetual stubbornness to be unhappy. And so tonight I pray I dream of flowers and summer and the time when life was more simple. 

Life is much harder to love if you only focus on the space between breaths. 

Dream of summer for me 

Goodnight

-J