Who will love me/How I am.

Who will love me when my jokes are no good, when all I want to do is sleep. Who will bury my bones under the roots of an oak and wait for the sun to rise before they leave me there? Who will see the most shallow underdeveloped and superficial parts of me and understand I can't always speak or act how you expect me to? What friends will stand by my side no matter what decisions I make? Who will tell me to believe in myself and tell me to trust myself? Who will be there when I need them and understand that sometimes I need to be left alone? I am aggravating, I contradict myself, I second guess myself and I'm never really sure how I feel. I aim to be something and more often than not I can't pull it off. I repeat myself and say things without thinking and am maybe not what you anticipate me to be. And I am sorry, but I want you to know that I am trying. I am trying to be better, I am trying to mean what I say, I am trying to focus on other people rather than myself. I am trying to never pretend to be something I'm not. I'm learning my limits like a child learns to walk and I am falling more than I am standing, I have scrapes and bruises on my knees but like a child one day I will walk and one day I will run and who I want to be will be who I am. 

 

I'm getting there one fall at a time. I am trying to be better. I am going to be better.  

                          5/30

-J