Some nights I feel lost because I'm unsure of what it is that I love. I feel unattached, disconnected like I could finish a day with nothing to remember. I look back on my life and question my decisions, I see my past through different eyes, like watching the life of a stranger. What have I done here, what is it that I am trying to do? I worry about the future, afraid of passing through it all unnoticed, unremarked upon. With all the pieces of my life and all the replayed memories, I find myself unimpressed, underwhelmed by what I have accomplished. What I have said, who I've become. I feel small. I feel afraid. Lost in these thoughts I can stay awake for hours. Unable to change the past and unable to predict the future I put myself to sleep with the promise that tomorrow I will be brand new, I will do my best I will try my hardest. The world and myself will become more clear, in the morning, I will fall in love with something new.
4/30
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